If You Won't
by LeFox
Summary: Evia reads his daughter's journal, and is heartbroken by the things he finds inside... and it doesn't help when Lias tells him things he never wanted to hear. Implied LiasxEvia.
1. What You Say

**Author's Note**: It seems I'm not your typical SO:TTEOT fanfiction authoress... for example, I can guarantee you will never see AlbelxFayt, AlbelxCliff, CliffxFayt, AlbelxNel, etc., coming from me. You'll see GonnellaxQuantestorie, and possibly LiasxEvia. I love NPCs. This fic, however, is pairing-less. Sort of. As pairing-less as a LeFox fic is going to get. It spawns from a severe hatred of Aqua for the things she says about Evia... who _takes_ it! I don't, however, hate Aqua herself. Only the way she talks about her father. I wish I had a father like Evia... but that's another rant altogether. On with the fic!

**Warnings**: Language, angst.

**Pairing**: Moderately implied LiasxEvia.

**If You Won't**

_What You Say_

The man stared silently at the pages of the small book, flipping them one by one, reading each scrawled word as if it held some explanation, some way to prove the previous harsh words to be false... but he found nothing. Just more and more of the same scathing sentiments...

_She hates me_, he finally concluded, _It's not just a simple statement, it's not a joke... she truly hates me._

With a shuddering sigh, he set the diary aside. It was something he promised himself he would never do - reading his daughter's diary, her private thoughts and feelings. He had encouraged her to keep a diary when she had first learned to write (which she had done at a very early age, one of many things he was very proud of), as a way to express herself. He had promised her he would never, ever read it, nor would he allow others to read it. The tiny black-and-gold book was hers... from the tiny lock to her name in gold on the cover... _Aqua_. She kept the minuscule key on a fragile gold chain around her neck, and kept it with her always. Never once had Evia considered reading his precious daughter's diary. Never once had Evia wanted to see what she might say about him. Never once had Evia thought she might have anything bad to say about her father.

Apparently, he was wrong.

Page after page of cruel remarks and jokes at his expense. _He's just a waste of space, I don't see why I have to stay with him_... _Father is so boring. We never do _anything_ interesting... Father is so stupid... I wish he'd leave me alone..._

He broke finally with a groan of dispair, leaning forward and burying his face in his hands. He had given her everything any child could ever want... clothes, toys, love, affection... what more could he give? He had nothing left to give to her... he had given his job, his money, and finally his home... for her. He had finally had to seek refuge in the Peterny church... for her. When she had fallen ill suddenly, he had done everything he could to raise enough money so she could go to a doctor... for her. And when it turned out that she had only a small infection rather than a disease, he had cried for pure joy... _for her_! When had he ever done anything for himself, since the day she was born! When was the last time he did something for his own enjoyment? There wasn't a 'last time,' because the day Aqua entered his life, 'his' life ended. It became 'her' life. He was living for her. Every breath he drew was for her.

How could she say such things...? Not even one positive word for him.

"...You seem upset." Evia looked up sharply... how long had the other man been there? Lias wasn't supposed to work today, no one was. It was a holiday. A holiday which Aqua had chosen to spend with Welch... or whatever that woman across the street's name was. But Lias was here...? Evia sighed, hiding the small book.

"It's nothing."

"You look like it's nothing." Lias frowned as he poked at the furnace, clearly intending to do some work today. "You look rather like you're having the best day of your life... right down to the tear stains."

Evia touched his cheek gingerly, surprised to find that it was, in fact, slightly damp. "...I didn't realize I was crying," he said softly, as if the action seemed impossible in the current situation. "But... it's nothing. It will work itself out, I suppose." Lias looked up, giving him a very knowing look.

"This has something to do with your daughter... Turquoise, was that her name?"

"Aqua." Evia replied shortly, slightly infuriated that someone could forget _her_ name... then he stopped. This was the child that hated him, the child that had written all of those terrible things about him...

"...But... yes," he added, "It has to do with her." Hesitating, he handed the diary over to the hands of the man he'd known only for a matter of weeks.

Several moments passed in silence while Lias read the small journal.

"She wrote these things," he spoke finally, his voice gaining a rather distasteful note. "She wrote these things about you."

_Yes, I know that_, Evia wanted to say. _I know she wrote them, did I not read it myself? You don't need to prick the wounds again, you bastard._ But he remained silent.

Lias sat beside him, closing the book disdainfully. "She's a spoiled child. I've seen you with her... you treat her like a little princess. Only the best. And still she writes this." He tossed the diary to the floor, frowning at it.

Evia stared at it, wanting it to go away... to disappear... or at the very least, he wanted to forget the things it said. Or for them to not be true. For them to not be on every single page, on every single line...

"And still you love her," Lias continued softly, "And it's killing you." He slipped a hand under Evia's chin, turning the tear-streaked face toward him. "You won't ever let her know you've read it. She will continue to write them, of course, not knowing that you've seen it... because it would hurt you too deeply for her cruelty to possibly come out in the open; it would cut you like a knife for her to have one more reason to hate you - that you would dare to read her journal - and you would die every time she looked at you... to know that she always wanted more from you, to know that you could never, never give her everything she wanted."

"Stop it..." Evia was begging, whispering, as the tears continued to fall. "Stop it, I can't bear it..."

"And everything you could give... would never be enough. She wants something that you, her loving father, could never bear to give her... she doesn't want love, Evia." It was the first time Lias had ever said his name, and it was in such a close, personal manner that Evia's reddish eyes widened. "She wants the life of a princess without the love of a family. That is the reason she is so fond of Welsh Vineyard - she gives the girl friendship, tokens of affection, but not love. Your daughter wants nothing of emotions, she has no time for you-"

"_Stop it_!" Evia yelled, jerking away. "Please, no more. I can't... I can't take it anymore..."

"Forgive me." Lias bowed his head, closing his eyes. "I wish she, or someone in this world, could return to you the love you feel for that child." With that, he rose, and went back to the fire, leaving the devastated father sobbing behind him.

When Aqua returned that day, she opened her diary to begin writing about the day's activities... only to find a small message written inside.

_If you won't love him, I will._

**Author's Note**: WOW. I wrote a halfway decent fanfiction again! I'm so... happy... -tears of joy- And it's all because of Evia! Thank him! There will be one other chapter to this, to show that regardless of what she writes, Aqua _does_ love her father.


	2. I Love You

**Author's Note**: OH MY GOD, IT GETS REVIEWS! O-O Love you guys. -.-! In this chapter, we go beyond an "implied" pairing. M'kay?

**Warnings**: Angst, shounen-ai

**Pairing**: LiasxEvia.

**If You Won't**

_I Love You_

"...You do have to eat _something_." Lias sighed finally, frowning the direction of Evia's untouched plate. The other man hadn't been eating well at all lately; not since he had read the little girl's diary... though whether this reaction was brought on by dispair or guilt, the swordsmith couldn't be sure. Evia hadn't spoken an unnecessary word in the past three days... hadn't smiled... hadn't done any work... and Aqua hadn't been home from the Craftsman's Guild and Welch's home, either. Lias was almost certain this had something to do with what he had written in her diary.

In fact, he knew perfectly well that that was the case...

"She's never coming home again," Evia whispered, his voice filled such sadness it made Lias's heart ache. "She knows I read it. And she's never coming back to me again."

"Nonsense," Lias tried to reassure him, forcing a smile. This had been brought on by him. He had wanted this, hadn't he? No. But in the back of his mind, hadn't he wanted Aqua to leave Evia alone...? _No_. Nothing that would hurt Evia, nothing that would break his heart like this... even so... that girl, the only thing the father loved, was gone for now. That opened up a door, didn't it? Or did it seal the door forever? _I love you, Evia. Love you with all my heart, and you will never love me._..

The grieving man stared at his plate for a moment before pushing it away. A familiar gesture. Lias left the counter with him, having lost his own appetite with Evia's despairing conclusion. They'd been alone together for these past few days... the other few 'inventors' who had been stationed here had been transferred elsewhere. The closeness with Evia had driven Lias nearly to madness... since three days ago, when he had spoken so intimately and candidly with him... he'd never been that close to the man before, and he was afraid he would never have the chance to do it again. So close he could feel Evia's breath on his own lips, his desperate crying... "_Stop it, I can't bear it_..." ... so close he could see his own desire reflected in Evia's red eyes... so close he could have sealed Evia's breath in a kiss... and yet, he hadn't. It had been enough just to be that close to him for that moment in time.

But...

What would it be like to see him smiling in his arms, to run his fingers through that long, oddly dark hair, to finally know Evia could care for someone as a lover... that was what Lias _truly_ wanted.

What if...? _...No_.

Evia sat quietly on the floor, his knees drawn up, his forehead against his knees, his arms around his legs. His hair created a kind of curtain around his face, hiding it from the world - was he crying? His body rose and fell with each breath, the ends of his hair fluttering gently. It was a completely different posture than anything Lias had ever seen from Evia; it was a defeated and destroyed childlike act. It was unbearable... and yet, beautiful. _So_ beautiful. The younger man walked slowly toward the cowering 'child,' completely unsure of what he would do. A million thoughts of the things he _could_ do passed swiftly through his mind, each one more impossible than the last. With nothing else to do, he began speaking.

"You give the world and only ask for love in return... you have all the love in the world to give, but you don't know how to divide it - so you shower it on only one person, your daughter, your Aqua. Don't you realize that everywhere you go, people fall in love with _you_, not your child?" Evia looked up at this, staring at Lias as if he were one of the gods themselves. "They fall in love with your beauty, your detached personality, your laughter, your voice... but you can't see that; you're too busy focusing on your Aqua! People dream of you... of kissing you, of luring you between their sheets, of winning you over, but all the love you might have had for them is gone, all used up on one person, on Aqua! She will be an amazing woman someday, we both know it, the world knows it... but this isn't her time. This is _your_ time! Have you ever fallen in love, Evia?" Silence. "Have you ever been in love the way the world wants you to love them? For the love of heaven, _answer_ me!" he was yelling now, he had grabbed Evia by the shoulders, he was shaking him almost violently.

_More silence_.

"Aqua's mother. Surely, you must have loved someone enough to create that child." Evia trembled suddenly in his grasp, his eyes were pricked by tears... his lips, those beautiful lips, quivered as if trying to form words. And suddenly, Lias realized this was something he truly did not want to learn about this man; this was a secret. Something that would not only destroy the mysteries surrounding Evia... but Evia himself, as well...

"Sh... she..." Evia was whispering. Lias shook his head, placing a finger gently on his companion's lips. He leaned closer, his hand on the side of Evia's face. The artisan didn't move, his eyes scanning Lias's for a moment... then closing. "She..."

"Shhh..." Lias whispered. "Not now."

And he kissed him.

'''''''''''''''

Aqua gazed steadily out the window, sucking on whatever bit of candy Welch had given her today. A pen was tucked neatly into her hand, her diary was opened in front of her. She hadn't written anything for three whole days. Not since she had opened it to find that... that _note_...

_If you won't love him, I will._

Welch called it a 'revenge prank.' One of Evia's many admirers had gotten ahold of the diary, skimmed it, gotten mad, and had written that little note. But something told Aqua otherwise... someone who truly loved her father, not someone who simply saw him pass by one day, had written it. There was too much passion in the words for them to not be the full truth... if Aqua wouldn't love her father, someone else would.

Well, Aqua _did_ love her father, just... not all of the time.

There were moments... when he was working, she liked to watch. She'd gaze intently as tiny bits of gems and metal and sometimes cloth turned into beautiful jewelry and clothing at his fingertips. And when he sat quietly by the window, daydreaming the hours away, she loved him then. She loved shopping with him, being treated like a princess... trying on the dresses and gowns she knew he couldn't afford, but knowing all the while that she had only to ask for them and he would find _some_ way to buy them.

But then... there were other moments. When he acted as if everything in the world revolved around her, she hated that. She hated _him_. When he refused to let her have some time to herself, she hated that, too. And when he referred to Welch as "that woman," well, _that _infuriated her more than anything else! Welch was like a sister to her, she always had been.

When they had first been forced to live in the Peterny church, Welch had helped her father get work as a craftsman. And while he was working, she and Aqua would play together, pretend they were queens or princesses or... well, anything they wanted to be. But the minute her father returned, Welch had to leave. And it was then that Aqua realized that her father was jealous. Jealous of Welch, and the time they spent together. At that moment, she wasn't sure whether to love, pity, or hate her father. She knew he had never had much of a childhood, rather, he had grown up in a boarding school. He had never known his own parents, really... so much time spent away from them, and then, finally, they had died of a sudden illness when he was sixteen. Shortly after that, he had been moved to a school for orphans. His looks quickly won over many of the students there, and several of the teachers. Not a year later, Aqua had been born. Who her mother was, her father had never told her. She had never really cared, nor had she thought to ask.

Evia had run away from the orphanage he had been living in, found a temporary "family," continued his education, and began working at Castle Aquaria for several years. Everything after that, well... history.

The point was this: he was showing her all of the love he never received as a child. And he didn't want anyone else to do it for him.

"Something wrong?" Welch asked, leaning over her shoulder. Aqua shook her head calmly, the blond locks glistening in the light.

"Just thinking," she replied, then started writing.

_I love my father._

_But I'm never going home again._

''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Lias..." Evia murmured against his lips, his arms wrapped tightly around Lias's waist, as if letting go would be the end of everything he knew... of course, holding on like this threatened to do the very same. But if it had to happen, he would prefer it happen this way... when the world was spinning pleasantly around him, and he couldn't see straight, and this warm body was against him... "Lias, please... _please_ love me..."

The two men stood together in the back of the little workshop, clinging to each other in a loving embrace. As much as he hated to admit it, Lias loved the faint trembling of the body in his arms. It gave him a sense of protective power, as if he could kill any threat to Evia's safety. And those lips, brushing so sweetly over his own... he wished he could just abandon all of his self-restraint. Just kiss those lips again, just draw that warm mouth open again, just taste the tip of that tongue again... and maybe the earlobes, the neck, the shoulders, the hollow of the throat... and beyond that...

But not now. Now was the time to hold Evia, to make him feel loved. To give him the love Aqua couldn't give... aside from that, Lias had the feeling this was an emotional breakdown... the kiss a moment ago, that had been real; Lias had felt an incredible surge of emotion between the two of them. But the emotion hadn't been love. It had been... what? Desperation? Sorrow? Something...

...but not love.

**Author's Note:** ...Okay, that chapter didn't go as planned... for example, it was supposed to be about Aqua... and it was supposed to wrap up the fic... did neither. You know what that means! Chapter three!


End file.
